Craigslist protocol

Because I have no energy to write anything funny today, I'm going to let Craigslist missed connections do the job. (I'm exhausted. I've spent the day with my mother. We walked 5+ miles around Capitol Hill and downtown and I have Nothing. Funny. To Say.)

I spend a good portion of my day just sifting through Craigslist postings. Have you ever read best of Craigslist? If not, do. Anyways, here's a gem of a missed connection from a few days ago.

Has anyone seen the Mannequin??!! :( - m4m - 21

Reply to: pers-1007597743@craigslist.org
Date: 2009-01-25, 5:06PM PST


Dear Mannequin,

I try to call you everyday hoping that maybe you will turn your phone back on. I hate the snow for doing this to us. I can no longer listen to Amy Winehouse because it reminds me of those good times we shared. You were the first person to like me for me and not make fun of my height.

I'm sorry for the harsh things I said to you before we parted ways. I really did like your blue hair. Please just give me a second chance, I'm willing to go back to rehab for you.

Mannequin and dazzle miss you a lot and have stopped eating because they no longer hear your voice.

I love you mannequin hands and I pray every night before I go to bed that we will talk again soon.

Genius. I am half tempted to write this person. I love this person. It's too bad about that typo at the end. Big turn off. I need to date a dude who proof-reads.

Speaking of Craigslist, my favorite overheard conversation of the week so far is as follows. One coworker was telling another coworker about a missed connection that he received in the m4m category. First of all, he did not use the correct terminology, calling it "a Craigslist personal ad", which annoyed me right off the bat. They are very different things, I'll have you know. Especially when we're talking m4m. And when speaking of this "personal ad" his face turned bright red, and he was clearly quite embarrassed; also annoying. Then he said these words: "Yeah, I guess there is something about me that just attracts gays."

Excuse me? You act like we are this clan of zombies, or wild dogs, unable to resist you. No. As a "gay" I will tell you right now, that there is nothing about you that attracts us to you. Except for your ambiguity. Oh, you didn't know about that? Well, believe me, you are VERY AMBIGUOUS, dude. Also, what is with straight people thinking it's odd or uncommon when "gays" are attracted to them? Like there is some sort of common trait that all gay men exhibit that makes other gay men attracted to them. Actually, we are just men who like men. All different types of men. Not just gay men, unfortunately for us.

Luke at Trader joe's your hot! - m4m (u-district)

Reply to: pers-1002940557@craigslist.org
Date: 2009-01-22, 7:38AM PST

Hey Luke saw u again at Trader Joe's yesterday..your so hot! I was in the same isle but didn't have the nerve to say anything.

The best part about this? THAT CRAIGSLIST "PERSONAL AD" IS NOT EVEN FOR YOU, dude! That is not your name. Your name is Lucas. No one calls you Luke. None of your name tags say Luke. This person would not be calling you Luke. And furthermore, where does this missed connection state that you are an employee? That is vital information for a missed connection, and would most likely be mentioned in the ad. It's not really clear either way, but I'm really leaning towards 'not you.'

I think what irritates me more than your misunderstanding of sexuality, is your misunderstanding of the way that Craigslist missed connections work.