the me-est me

I think about a lot of things all day long, every day. Sometimes it's hard to grasp them and put them down on paper (or computer screen) because I block them out so quickly. Even now, I can't separate them or streamline them in order to materialize them on this page. It's chaos when I start thinking about the things I think about. It's exhausting. One thing leads into another thing into another thing and into another thing before I have any time to find the root of one thing or another. And then I just tell myself to stop. Because it's just all insecurities. I know better. I know better than to pine for a boy. I know better than to be jealous of people and their friendships. I know better than to think that no one notices me. I know better than to think that any of these thoughts are me. Me is how far I've come. Me is my progression. Me is how better I get all the time.

For years now I have been struggling to not give a fuuuck. It is my ultimate life goal. If I do anything in life to be proud of, I hope that one day I simply DO NOT GIVE A FUCK. One day I want to be the purest form of myself. The ultimate me. The me who does not give a fuck what I am in comparison to someone else. The me that I am, and not who I think I want to be. I want to want to be me. I'm getting there.